Monday, April 18, 2011

RtH Ass-Clown Rankings, Inaugural Edition, 2011

Um, hi. My name is John. And I’m a Milwaukee Brewers fan.

That’s all you need to know about my baseball history. I’ve watched MANY awful baseball players through the years as a Milwaukee fan, and slowly began to realize that, year after year, I always had a list of “most hated” players by the end of the season. A couple of seasons ago I started posting these rankings on my Facebook page, under the title of The Brewers Ass-Clown Rankings. Jeff Suppan was the first and only #1 on the list for 2 years until his contract finally came off the Brewers’ books this spring.

When Jay asked me if I wanted to contribute a weekly (ha!) MLB Ass –Clown Ranking for Relay to Home, it was a no brainer. Heck, yeah! There are plenty of the other Ass-Clown players and fans out there that I can make fun of! This’ll be a hoot!

I admit, this won’t be very scientific and is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. My hope is that this part of RtH will be the witty and lighted-hearted side to the serious and more in-depth analysis that you will find on this blog. Some weeks may be totally devoted to my team, others to the entire MLB or even other teams (I think the Cubs might a regular target of mine).

So, without further delay, here is the Inaugural Ass-Clown Rankings for April 16, 2011:

5) Yovanni Gallardo, P, Milwaukee Brewers. Yeah, it’s a homer pick. So what of it? C’mon, Yo. Giving up homers to Danny Espinosa and Ivan Rodriguez? 7 runs in 5.1 IP with an ineffiecient 105 pitches? Not the stuff of a staff ace there, my friend.

4) Chone Figgins, IF, Seattle Mariners. Chone, you’re here for making be believe in Spring Training that you might actually have a good year and subsequently drafting you in my Fantasy League. I will now commence pronouncing your first name how it is actually spelled, Cho-nee.

3) Carl Crawford, OF, Boston Red Sox. He’s been placed here mostly at the request of my Red Sox-fan friends (cough, girlfriend), but admittedly, he has really stunk of the joint so far this season. Dude, relax, you're a great player on a great team. Don't let those idiot fans in Bahston freak you out so wicked hahd!

2) Manny Ramirez, OF, Tampa Bay Rays. Most think that Manny should be #1, but that would be too easy. Still, Manny, step away from the powdered supplements!

Drum Roll, please! And this weeks No. 1 Ass-Clown is…………………..

Josh Hamilton, OF, Texas Rangers. No, he’s not here because he broke his arm. That was a just unlucky. He’s here because he threw his third-base coach under bus and blamed him for the fact he broke his arm. Good grief! Really? It’s amazing what millions of dollars does to your perception of the world around you. You stay classy, Josh! Enjoy your stay on the DL and, more importantly, atop the MLB AC Ranking!

1 comment:

  1. Oh god, I have 2/5 of this week's ass-clowns on my team...