Tuesday, May 3, 2011

RtH Ass-Clown Rankings, DLaaDS Edition

Sorry for the delay, all. Having to update my vitae for a new job search kept me away from the AC Rankings yesterday. So let’s get right to it, the Day Late and a Dollar Short edition!

5. Frank McCourt, Owner, LAD. Last week: 4. Creating more drama by calling the commish an ass (the fact that he is, well, that’s beside the point), does not bode well for getting off the AC Rankings. Frankie, he ain’t duckin’ ya. He’s writing you off. Hello? The message is pretty clear. Yer out!

4. Yovanni Gallardo, SP, MIL. Last week: NR. Ok, lemme get this straight. You consider yourself an ace, but you haven’t had a Quality start since April 5. Then there is that pesky 6.10 ERA, 1.69 WHIP and 17 walks, all in only 41.1 IP. Um, dude, you’ve been outpitched by Chris Narveson. CHRIS NARVESON!!!! Articles on Yo’s performance point to an issue with patience. Huh?! Don’t think meat, just throw.

3. Dustin Pedroia, IF, BOS. Last week: NR. Good Christ, could this guy whine any more? I watch the Sox on Extra Innings a lot due to my girlfriend being a fan. And pretty much every game he’s bawling about something. Today I watched little Mr. Baldspot bitch at the ump after a strike out, claiming he’d foul tipped the third strike. Replays showed he’d missed the ball by a wide margin. Yet, there he is, crying and moping to the ump. Yo, D! Shut it! And get some spray-on hair for the bald spot while you’re at it!

2. Roger McDowell, Coach, ATL. Last week: NR. You can’t fix stupid.

1.Derek Lowe, SP, ATL. Last week: NR. Come on, guys. Really? You’re making this too easy. 1-800-CALL-A-CAB-ASSHOLE.

I’m gonna go have a few beers and NOT drive. See ya next week!

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